true surrender

am i the only one in this family? probably the only one that makes time to blog. hahaha

i recently read an article by a missionary that i truly admire. he wrote that it's very discouraging to see where we are now spiritually and seeing where God would like us to be. for me, i find that i'm very far from what God intended for mankind to be.

so what happens when i'm find myself drowning in sin?

the obvious answer is to cry out for help, but if i know myself well enough, that is not the case. see if this describes you:

for instance if i think i that i don't pray enough or spend enough time with God, i start thinking about goals. "okay, by the end of this week, i hope to have read at least a chapter a day and pray for at least 3 hours." something like that. and then i start being all "super spiritual" by reading a lot of different books by theologicans and bible scholars, and acting in the way that i'm supposed at someone who follows Christ. most of the time i won't live up these expectations that i make for myself, but then i also start to act like the unmerciful servant and condemn those who sin. i found myself doing this a couple days ago with some classmates. they were complaining about the hot weather (it's really hot here in taipei), and i started to call them weaksauce and tell them that they shouldn't be complaining...blah blah blah. but at the end of the day, i feel no different. i'm still the same, and i end up back at square one where i find myself very very discouraged at how inefficient this all has been.

sound familiar?

but in Philippians, God promises us that He will finish the good work He started within us. God is at work in our lives. Change comes slowly but surely. It's my job to surrender to Him, to obey.

I'm still trying to figure out what that truly looks like, surrendering. What does it mean to surrender? Just pray? Read the Bible? Wait? For how long? What would I be waiting for if i'm waiting? each situation is different, but we as followers of Christ should continue to seek to live by the Spirit. life isn't easy, but that just requires us all the more to depend on the Father, and that gives me all the peace i need.